THE WAY HOME🪽
I want to tell you a story. Fragments of where I come from. Of the little free girl who was shaped from the very beginning, and who I have found my way home to again.
My parents built the foundation that shaped my upbringing. A childhood whose framework complemented my soul entirely.
My father built our house from the ground up, alone. Because that’s what you do in my family. When there are no other options. In a smaller town surrounded by nature. Fields. Meadows. Quiet roads with other children to play with. Close to everything. Gym halls, later a sports hall that matched a body in natural motion, like mine.
Farms where the horses, who would become my spirit animal, grazed in the most beautiful and open surroundings they could wish for, and who I would come to spend my days with for many years, alongside all the animals my parents let move into our home. Dog, cat, rabbits, budgies, a parrot.
My father was the breadwinner and was therefore away for longer stretches at a time. But it made it possible for my mother to stay home with me until I started kindergarten. A safety and calm beyond the ordinary, is how I remember it.
My mother has always been able to see what and who I represented. That I was a free soul. From the moment I stood up and walked, I didn’t sit in my stroller. I pushed it myself. A waste of money to have bought it.
My mother allowed me to be that free soul. She knew there was no use in trying to tame me. So I was given fairly free rein from the time I was a little girl… within reason, of course.
But it meant I grew up and shaped myself independently, with an opinion and a direction from a very early age. Light. Free. Full of love and light. A natural leader who went out front and called back to all her friends: ‘come on, this is the way we’re going’. Not domineering. Simply as the most natural thing in the world, because from the start the instinct knew the direction. Knew the answer to right and wrong. To true and false. And followed it naturally.
Fear wasn’t a feeling I grew up with either. I was given trust. And trust, as we know, breeds courage.
Courage to go first. Courage to try new things. Courage to walk far out into the paddock and use all my strength and countless attempts to get up onto a horse’s back that would normally require a ladder. But with a soul made never to give up, I always managed to gallop back, holding on to nothing but the mane, feeling a merging of two beings that together released a belonging and a boundless power you only experience if you’re able to surrender fully.
That I was able to do. From the first time I set foot on this earth.
And that wasn’t the only place I surrendered.
When I was 6 years old, I folded my hands for the first time. On my own. And I kept doing it for many years. No one had shown me. No one had told me. My parents were culturally Christian/Catholic.
I was connected. Untouched. A deep, direct contact that can’t be explained in words. A daughter of God.
It moves me as I write this. With gratitude.
Because even though I drifted away for a period later in my adult life, partly because here in Europe we killed God ‘off’ and set the state and the self as the highest principle, I still often wore the cross around my neck.
Just as I also found my way home again. All the way home.
Since then everything in my life has only gotten better and better. And it wasn’t bad before.
So here I stand. Because my soul was recognized from the beginning for what it represents. Because I was lifted up as who I was.
That doesn’t mean my life has been perfect. Not at all. The idyll broke too, when my parents divorced and tore up everything I knew by the roots. But it was a necessary part of my journey, along with everything else that happened in my life since. Otherwise I wouldn’t have found my way home.
I’ve spent twenty years clearing out and removing all the noise we all pick up along the way. Spent time rewriting the story we live by inside and outside, so that in the end it once again complemented where I began. The little free girl who knew the way from the start. She has been here all along. And now she walks out front again!
Thank you for walking with me. It means more than you probably know. I don’t yet fully know why I was placed on this path, and with this purpose. But since I am a surrendered being, one who knows there are no coincidences, I follow what works through me. I don’t take it for granted, and I’m humbled that you’ll come with me as we carry civilization forward on the foundation it was built on. ✝️🪽
Thank you.❤️🔥